Lola's trip home.

[Fubar1764]

This is one of the best days of my life.

I started the day off at 3:56am. I intended to drive up to Fremont, CA from Los Angeles, CA (about a 300mi drive) to make a 10am appointment to saran wrap Lola. Tired, I had no idea what miseries were in store for me. About 50 miles outside of Los Angeles, I noticed Lola suddenly struggle. I smelled something burning and immediately pulled over. Just missing an exit ramp to get off the interstate, I drove the wrong way down an entrance ramp in order to get off the highway. When I pulled over, she seemed fine. Good boost. Good oil pressure. Everything seemed right. Perhaps I was just tired. So I carried on.

I stopped a few times for breaks and to pick up a 24oz cup of coffee. Ah, the breakfast of champions! Most of the highway was flat with some minor mountain passes. No worries. Lola happily cruised between 80 and 100. She has strong legs to match her shapely body. I then pulled off to a smaller connecting highway where my troubles began. A mere 60miles from my destination, I saw large plumes of smoke coming from behind me. The smoke seemed to get worse when the turbo was activated so I downshifted to keep my revs and power up while climbing mountains. That worked for a few miles. Worried this was a blown headgasket, I pulled over to a store and immediately called Harry Applyby at Viking MotorSports. Though worried, he instructed me to add oil and make it to my destination to diagnose the problem there. . .a 40mile goal I'd never reach.

She stubled along a bit more. Again, thinking it was a headgasket, I pulled over into the sprawling metropolis of Gilroy, CA (proclaimed the garlic capitol of the universe by Doug). I stopped at a filling station to ask for directions to a mechanic. I proceeded the 2miles to find the mechanic. I never made it.

As I pulled off the highway, Lola stopped on the exit ramp. I turned her ignition. Nothing. Cars were behind me. A semi (that's a lorry in American-speak) was behind me. I quickly got out and waved everyone passed me, forgetting 1) I could get run over, 2) turn on those hazard lights! Thank goodness Lola's svelte. I started to push her to the side of the exit ramp. In my excitement, I forgot it might have been easier to push her and steer with the window down. Yes, I was tired. A gentleman in another semi got out and pushed her while I handled the wheel.

I then walked the half mile and found the mechanic. At first, we tried to arrange for a wrecker to pull her into the garage, but I refused to allow Lola onto anything but a flatbed truck. Waiting for about 30minutes, I went back to Lola to see if she'd start. After some hesitation, she did, and I drove her to the mechanic.

Mind you, I'm still thinking the problem is a blown headgasket. My mind was thinking of plans on how to get a new motor in her or to have this one rebuilt. How long was this going to take? Will she need to be rebored? Just how much time can I take off from work? The only thing that stopped me from panicking was knowing that this was a problem that could be solved by throwing money at it. We could fix the problem, and she'd be fine one way or another.

Once I got her to the mechanic, I started to call and text everyone in the area. LGM and Ekapol. Doug is quite a bit further up north. I called Harry to ask him for diagnosis. We kicked around a few ideas. Harry seemed to think it might have been a knackered oil filter since I mistakenly thought the oil pressure was too high. I still believed the worst and thought headgasket. After quite some time, finally, a bit of good news; the mechanics Tim and Duong showed me where the turbo was leaking oil. They speculated oil was travelling from the turbo into the head. Previously, I had noticed oil dripping from the left side of the car. If it had been an issue of the oil filter, wouldn't it have been on the right side?

I was texting Doug, LGM, and Nitroman for their thoughts and advice on the turbo. LGM called me to suggest I look at the PVC valve and that other filter above the CAS. Ok. The mechanics and I went to it. We cleaned them out. We changed the oil. With the trash-can air filter out, we cranked her up on a dyno. Oil spewed out whenever the BOV released. Not the kind of woosh I hoped to see. Now we knew everything. Oil had gone through the turbo, up the intake, into the head. Lola wouldn't stalled out earlier because too much oil had covered her spark plugs so she couldn't spark. The cause of the problem must be a leaky turbo seal. All we had to do was find a kit to rebuild the turbo. Easy, right?

Nothing Lotus ever is.

As I called and texted Doug, Harry, LGM, and Nitroman, the mechanic called around to find a used IHI turbo. You might have guessed no turbo could be found, though the mechanic found someone who could rebuild it - the parts would take 3 days to arrive. . .maybe. Assuming the kit fit. I'm not sure if to reassure me or Lola, but I patted her door while she was on the lift and promised her she was going to be just fine. We'd take care of her now.

Then I had this bright idea. Perhaps LGM still had an unshipped Greddy turbo kit. Perhaps I could persuade one of you gents to allow me to take delivery of that turbo, and I would make up the difference for any added expense to get another kit put together to make you whole. As I kicked this around, Doug suggested that Ekapol or LGM might still have an IHI turbo lying around. Goodness, I couldn't ask that of anyone. And then Ekapol called. . .to let me know I was welcome to his IHI turbo. A little while later, LGM suggested she could install it.

And people wonder why we had to replace Rita when she passed away. And why we got Betty ('05 SY Elise). Until tomorrow, I will never have met LGM nor Ekapol. And yet, people I have never met are so willing to part with their treasure and time to help me. Over time, I have discovered the extraordinary generousity is commonplace in the Lotus family. We seem to be a giving lot when faced with another's adversity. We are all bound together in this Fellowship of Joy and Misery, some of our own doing, some of our cars. Yet we travel this path together, helping each other along the way, knowing it could have been us who needed the hand.

Consider that our first reaction to trouble is likely to be a fellow Lotus owner in general and another Elaner specifically. Consider how extraordinary it is for us not to consider a dealer as our primary source for assistance. Consider the fellowship Ferrari owners will never know, even if they could understand.

We are a happy lot. We let random kids sit in our cars. We enjoy our cars not as museum pieces but as cars. These mechanical beasts have no souls when they sit, yet they develop souls as we and others enjoy them.We give them souls. I like to think of our Loti as our velveteen rabbits. The more people enjoy them, the more they becaome alive. How selfish it would be of us to hoard the joy we know to ourselves when others may smile with us.

I tried to explain the Lotus experience to my sister once. My wife told her she gets thumbs up from random strangers. Kids in our neighborhood cheer as she drives past them. You may awe at an Italian, but you smile with a Lotus. My sister admits she still doesn't get it. It's ok. My nephew seems to be a quick study.

So, at LGM's suggestion, I told the mechanics to undo the wastegate but leave the oil line on. With the oil running, the turbo would survive. With the wastegate undone, Lola would spew less oil into the head and thus not smoke as much. A bandaged Lola limped the remaining 40 miles to Fremont where she sits in the parking lot of a Hyatt Place, waiting for a turbo transplant. Doug just text me he'd grab a spanner tomorrow afternoon. I hope he likes scotch.

I walked from a Korean restaurant about a mile away from the hotel. It was one of the best meals of my life. Yes, the food was excellent. Over dinner, I had time to reflect upon today. Little sleep. Little food. A lot of fear. More anxiety. Some caffeine. Nothing today worked out as expected, and yet, it could not have come out any better.

To steal shamelessly from Samuel Morse as he sent the first telegraph, "What hath Dough wrought."

[Doug]

What a day, Jack! At least you know you are alive!

Well, I wasn't sure what we had planned for tomorrow, but now I know. I'm kinda hoping to be able to help you all throw my old Stripey turbo into Lola. It's the least I can offer you as my new best friend!

Now that I got more info from your post, I'll correct you that the oil can't be going from the turbo to the intake/engine because you have that gallon of intercooler in the middle to catch the oil before it ever gets there (may be a future project for you if needed to take off the IC and check it for oil and then fluch it out with gas to remove the oil before letting it dry out). If the turbo is leaking then it is going straight to the exhaust and burning there. Hence your cat converter will be gummed up (and given that you are in TX you'll say Who Cares!).

see ya tomorrow, hombre

[F1 LOTUS]

Great story Fubars - glad that things are getting sorted.
Best of luck with the rest of your adventure, and, the 'velveteen rabbits'

[GeoffSmith]

Prime candidate for LEC Best Short Story and Uplifting Tale of the Year awards.

[Jackonicko]

Indeed.

It says it all, Fubar.

Imagine what it's like in the UK, a smaller, more compact country where Elans are thicker on the ground.

The comradeship and community surrounding this car is extraordinary.

J

[dapinky]

Jack,

Firstly, welcome back to elanning! (glad your deal got sorted, eventually).

Secondly, it's good to see you're not letting this little mishap get you down!

When you get the new (second-hand) turbo on the car, and things calm down a bit, take a look at the wiki for my story on how to re-build the IHI unit - may be worthwhile as a 'spare' for yourself or someone else.

[Doc Fizzix]

Jack, if you need any parts and get stuck more than a couple days I also have a spare turbo and a new set of bolts (if needed) and can overnight anything you need. I recommend NOT removing the exhaust housing but taking the turbo apart by separating the center cartridge from the exhaust housing (remove the intake side) I found this method to be the easiest and I can do this swap in about an hour including all hoses, use a good rubber mallet to shack the center cartridge from the exhaust housing.

[Doug]

Spent the back end of yesterday over at Ekapol's place. First of all, the guy has 2 Elans and they are both looking nice!

I got to meet Jack again and his new found Elan.
He calls it Rita, but I think we'll call it "Smokey"

And above all, I have new found respect for Marie; I already held her in high esteem, but she's quite impressive with a wrench!

I was there for the first half of the turbo swap, and I'll have to let the others fill us in on the full and final story.

[Fubar1764]

Well, let me first say that LGM has bigger balls than me. That's right. Those of you who know me, know I'm not one to mince words. I have a healthy respect and disrespect for myself. I've told many folks, I have balls the size of bus tires. LGM's are bigger. You know the tracks on that crawler that sends the space shuttle to the launch pad? That would be about half the size. Huge. Think of a B-52 airbase. That's about right.

With a wrench, she's doing things that makes me cry like a little girl. A couple of times, she told me, "Come on, you're losing to a girl!" Yeah, a girl with balls the size of Sand Crawlers. Things that make her grunt make me scream because my hymen just got torn.

When I got to Ekapol's place, Lola (Doug, Rita was the old car. . .btw, folks on LotusTalk tell me I can't name her "Lola" as they were a competitor to Lotus. I respond that when someone has plenty of wivestock and I can pick the main filly in the herd, they can rename Lola.) smoked everywhere. LGM already had her roll of tools out. She attacked it like banshee. I've been told I make coffee nervous; I'm telling you LGM makes methamphetamines nervous. I tried to do something, anything to scape some scrap of usefulness out of myself. She stopped for a moment to say, "Just sit back and enjoy the show." I hung my head in shame.

So, I went out to get brake cleaning fluid. Ah yes, the chicken soup of the automotive world. Doug drove. Six cans? Can't hurt, I thought. And apparently it was a good idea since Ekapol used some of it to clean off his driveway this morning! We delivered shop towels, brake cleaning fluid, etc. And I was back to my useless state. How about food? Yes, food is always a good. The power of the donut!

LGM ate. Before I could finish eating, she had removed something else that I couldn't identify. "See, we need to remove the plenum to get to the hose that connects the clavicle to the reduction skillet." Gesundheit. Well, back to holding the shattered pieces of what I thought was my manhood. I'd try to ask a question or something to figure out what was happening. At one point, I think I asked LGM why the huge hurry. "I want to get as much done before (sun)light disappears." Oh yeah. Good idea. I was just about to say that.

Think of Han Solo in the Empire Strikes Back. You know, the scene where Imperial Storm troopers are barging into the rebel base on Hoth. LGM is Han Solo - in a hurry, going to save your butt. Ekapol is Chewie - trusty sidekick, knows what to do and when to do it. Doug is Luke - there's no story without Luke, we wouldn't have our Elaning adventures without Doug putting together LEC. Me, well. . .I'm C3PO - lost, clueless, no penis.

And that was pretty much the entire evening. Luke went off to go see his Jedi Master in Santa Rosa (except she's not wrinkled nor green). Han still knows what he's doing. Chewie's still doing his thing. I'm just there for the ride, hoping I don't pee oil in my golden trousers. Ooops, can you show me the nearest laundry-mat?

Somewhere in the night, I get around to getting underneath Lola and tightening two (yes, TWO!) bolts! Yes, the hair on my balls WILL sprout just as soon as they drop! And then somewhere in the night, I was so tired, I nearly pass out. I think it was right before I remove those two bolts. Let me define pass out - vertigo, confusion, nearly laying head on the ground in an uncontrolled manner. LGM is still turning wrenches. I offer her a drink of water. She bites the neck of the bottle, tosses the water back, gulps, spits the bottle back to me. I'm sure she drinks her whiskey the same way. Meanwhile, I'm tired, cold, and about to buckle.

I ask Ekapol to let me into his place so I can rest. I dream strange dreams. I hear a motor start and run. I hear revving and idling. Please, don't wake up. Let the dream be the only reality I know. And I woke up. "Car's ready." It's 11:48am. We, and by "we", I mean Ekapol and LGM with me in the critical role of "spectator," started working on the car around 5:30pm.

We're still not quite done. Some smoking is happening. We've cut the smoking down by about 80%. Thirty miles of driving only burns up about a pint of oil. That's progress! Seriously, it is progress, it was that bad. Ekapol's old turbo's in Lola now. We're going to flesh out what else we can do on Lola tomorrow.

I'll post some pictures just as soon as I can find a set of prosthetic balls.

[Specky]

Brilliant,

it takes some balls to write that...

TTFN

[tigerdog]

Yes, Gilroy is closer to SF than SD, but you're missing an Ewok for your Star Wars pantheon (Tigerdog suggests looking at the avatar photo). Seriously, I also have a bunch of spares here in the garage and would not be against driving them north if I have something you need but can't find. Best of luck getting Smokey, er, Lola home.

[Doug]

Jack, the Star Wars characterizations are so spot on that I may have pissed myself just a bit I laughed so hard!

[Specky]

Where's the pics then...

TTFN

[nitroman]

Jack, that was hilarious. I can't believe the 5:30pm --> 11:48am determination!

I can't place in the timeline however; when did this problem with the car reveal itself? I thought the seller advertised the car as having no issues.

As for the ready-to-go turbo core we jibed about, http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/IHI-RHB5 ... ccessories , never having rebuilt a core and not wanting to have to send it out for balancing afterwards, it seemed like an attractive alternative. I might offer him $250, as I can't imagine he'd accept less since these are NEW (not rebuilt units). I've never seen the exact Isuzu Impulse RS core offered before, never. If I were one to believe in fate, well, what are the odds that this product & your situation would reveal themselves simultaneously?

Here's hoping your balls descend soon, you cryptorchidistic nonconformist. -Matt

[Doug]

Where's the pics then...

while Jack is busy with his car, I'll post what I have from my phone; Jack has a few hundred pics on his camera . . .

[tigerdog]

Stunning! Marie's had that car further apart in two hours than I've had mine apart in two years. Skill beyond skill, if you ask me. Jack, you're a lucky man and Lola is a lucky car to have such attention lavished on her.

[lotusgirlmarie]

Jack, your post was awesome. Funny but true.

Quick little update. Jack came by my parents house today. I did a compression test, oil change and sparkplugs followed by a second compression test. Cylinder 1- 90PSI, 2-90PSI, 3-97PSI, 4-120PSI. Second test 1-98, 2-98, 3-110, 4-120. Prognosis? Valve job. Weather it's the valves, guides or stem seals I don't know. The car is going to my friends shop tomorrow to have the head pulled and further inspection done. The saga continues.....

BTW. The turbo in your car is my original one.

[Doug]

Well, if you get the head off then go for the valve job--I assume that's the plan--and sounds like a good one to me.
Then Jack will have a sound car for the journey!

[lotos]

Wow - talk about an auspicious disaster... And talk about a great group of people! I'd offer my help but I figure you already know how to insert the key and turn to start the engine. (My expertise pretty much ends there)

[DaveB]

What I find more amazing from the photos, is that Marie had to work in a child's garage....