I'm pleased to announce that after 3 months of hard labour my project has come to fruition.
Character Exhausts ltd have done themselves proud by making me a 'one off' exhaust system. I believe theres no other like it!
On my arrival at their depot to collect the finished car I was delighted to see the rear tailpipe sticking out to greet me. I could have sworn it winked at me in the glistening sun.
I suppose the reason for it sticking out so much (not unlike a big bell end) is to help the exhaust flow. It actually serves a second purpose, Ive found it great for standing on for reaching into the apex of the garage.
Little did I know how much more inovative thinking lay ahead.
On glancing under the elan (squadie press up postion) the exhaust was clearly visable for inspection. It hung rather low, infact lower than a lithuanian limbo dancer having a particularly low low moment.
I soon realised it was rather a clever idea by the borstal dotted fitter. He had obviously gone one better than lotus by utilising the wasted space that we all have under our elans. Well, all except stevo that is. Also it would keep the inevitable leaking fumes away from myself and sam. Fantastic idea!
The borstal dotted fitter had obviously done his homework and sussed that our elans are prone to prongeron damage on speed humps etc. To combat this problem he cleverly manufactured the front pipe in such a way that it would hit any object of more than 1 1/2 inches in height, thus saving the prongeron from any damage whatsoever. The particularly ingenious part of it is that the very STRONG flexible joint is the part that will 'absorb' any impact.
I had specified that the exhaust I required would need to be mandrel bent so to avoid any reductions on the bends. This was agreed to by the chap in the suit who gave me the initial quote. what a lovely man.
However it seemed our borstal dotted fitter decided to be creative with the standard bender (I spotted a 45 gallon drum in the corner
) and designed some spectacular curves as can be seen below. I believe a distant cousin of his was involved in the building of the big dipper at blackpool.
It was rather clever thinking as really big bends avoid the inevitable squish that you would normally encounter when you dont posess a mandrel bending machine, even when you state you have in your posession a mandrel bending machine.
I figured he new best though, and that myself and everybody else on the planet were wrong.
I liked him also. He had a nice smile.
As I left the garage all the staff came out to wave me off. They all had big smiles on their faces. Some were holding their sides, almost as though they were in pain. I put this down to them having had a late lunch.
The journey home was fantastic!
When asked if I wanted it to sound loud I replied 'medium'
Bortal dotted fitter decided 'extra loud' would suit this little sportscar better.
I felt really youthfull setting off at the first set of lights. All the girls were looking at me. Infact everybody was!!!
The best was yet to come. As I entered our 'quiet' little cul de sac and aproached the first speed hump (are they called this because most boy racers actually speed up for them?) an enormous scraping noise came from below me. The panic soon left me when i realised the exhaust had a good 8 inches to travel before reaching my precious elans bodywork.
Clever fitter.
I cant wait till it goes dark to see the sparks.
I feel embarassed and ashamed. Embarassed and ashamed that I have taken this work of art from its creator.
So embarassed infact that this weekend I shall be removing this curvaceous piece of metalwork and returning it to its borstal dotted inventor.
And just so he does'nt forget to take it home (and perhaps display it on his proud mums mantlepiece) I'm going to ram it somewhere really really tight and secure!
"You can't get thicker than a borstal dotted fitter, they're the boys to trust???"
, aint laughed so much in ages 
... 
... 
... 
... 
... 
... 
.... 
... 
... 
