Well, that was easy - you just need to look in the right place!
Thanks to all of you for the suggestions (even the ones which didn't help, which was probably most of the things i had tried).
After a late night reading the manuals, i had a plan (of sorts) for this morning. I pulled out the pump/sender unit from the tank - it was spotless (which has to be good, but i was hoping that it would be my problem).....
....i was still convinced that it was a fuel problem, but was leaning towards a duff sensor somewhere - but which one?
I finally admitted defeat, and took the only useful advise i had got (Thanks to Spud and Paul) and gave Gerald a ring.
As soon as i said who I was, he knew all about it - someone had been in and warned him of a potential phone call (Thank you, whoever it was

)
We chatted through the symptoms and things that i had tried, and he agreed that it was likely to be a fuel problem, but having discussed all the bits i had swapped, it only really left the injectors. I don't have a proper tester for them, and haven't a clue how to test one - but Gerald had!
If you switch on the ignition and then go under the bonet, by operating the throttle buterfly (on the end of the cable) you will hear the injectors clicking as they open (I didn't know that). It is loud enough that you can hear it quite well, but i don't suppose it would be as clear at the side of a busy motorway, or under the flight path at Heathrow - Gerald suggests using a stethoscope. (or metal screwdriver to your ear).
There was no clicking, so i had found the problem, now i just needed the solution.
Earth leads at the back of the plenum looked okay, but i connected up a jump lead from the fuel rail to a good earth anyway - no change.
Now i knew it would be the firing signal at fault, but had ruled out the ECU so that only leaves the wiring.
Continuity tests were considered, but i was fed up with doing lots of unnecessary stuff! - so i waggled the multiplug under the expansion tank and then got a clicking sound when i operated the throttle
Turned the key and it fired up, ran then died
Checked again - no clicking!
Took the plug out, cleaned up the contacts, squirt of WD40, back together - lots of clicking again
Fired it up, gave it a bit of a run - no problems, tried to replicate the problem by waggling the wiring - no problems.
Now i'm hoping that the connector was the problem, but i carry a length of wire in the toolbox anyway for roadside 'get me home' repairs.
All in all, a simple fix to an anoying problem (are there any non-anoying ones?) - i just needed to know how to test things which ain't covered in the manual, which is where you can't beat experience and tips from an expert.
A big 'Thank You' to Gerald at GST (and everyone who had an input on this thread).
Top Tip - if it don't run - listen for the clicking!
(now i just have to fiddle with the tank sender unit to get it in the right place, as it only goes up to just over 1/4 even though there is 25 litres in it - i can cope with that one!)
Edit:-
Angie want's to make it clear that she didn't fill up with diesel or rainwater, despite that being a question (accusation?) that i had put to her