Things that made you smile today

[Songbird]

Military chiefs are baffled .............. how does Gaddafi keep out running those missiles !!!

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[GeoffSmith]

Dave Eds haircut.

[Dave Eds]

or lack of it!

[esprit888]

Brand new ones available for 15 at after sales

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/LOTUS-ELAN-M100-S ... 4aa6d80949

[Rice crispy]

Made me laugh


Dear Mr. Cameron,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing England ’s economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire.

Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed
2) They MUST buy a new British car.

Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed


3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -

Housing Crisis fixed


4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -

Crime rate fixed



5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week ......

and there's your money back in duty/tax etc


6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.

It can't get any easier than that!



P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances


(If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.

If not, please disregard.)



Grumpiest of the World Unite



Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.



Think about this (more points of contention):


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COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the
mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in
Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in
the county of Cumbria?

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.


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THE BRITISH CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ... Why don't we just give them ours?

It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we're not using it anymore.


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THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -

You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians..... It creates a hostile work environment.

It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up!

[Steve A]

Something that made me smile yesterday,
I was on my way to have the Elan MOT'd when the block that covers the "sun visor" retaining screws fell in my lap
That's a good start I thought

[Songbird]

London Thunderstorm Today.... outside my window ... Cat couldnt hear it ....She's deaf

http://s275.photobucket.com/albums/jj29 ... aul/samba/


PS ...Some of those lightning strikes got a little too close for comfort ...

[Dave Eds]

More sunshine, birthday weekend for the eldest, her new car, New Forest, baby donkeys, spotted an Elan, beer by Southampton Marina, Bolton win (Arse lose).................happy days

[lotusgirlmarie]

Seeing my brand new baby nephew and the joy on both my sister's and her hubby's face. Of course 20+ hours of labour being over would make any woman smile.

[Specky]

This made me smile...

http://www.guandongenterprisesltd.com/

TTFN

[DeanG]

Driving my Seven today and mostly beating the rain on the way home.

[Steve A]

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the Ford F-150 when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the Ford F-150 fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your Ferrari. I missed our bikes.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me.
You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife. XXX
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.Oh,P.S: YOUR GIRLFRIEND PHONED !!!!!!!

[GeoffSmith]

Like buses, Google camera cars always seem to turn up in pairs.

[markv]

(From Twitter):

Cucumbers killed 15 people in Europe. Seriously, do NOT explore space. If you can’t defeat cucumbers you've NO hope against aliens.

[Rice crispy]

After swapping about 4 messages with Burt on seloc about the 2nd ticket i recieved for snetts and him not knowing what its for I figured it out all by myself the clue was the £9 i sent to club lotus the other day for my donny ticket and the fact it had Donington printed on the front

[cliff]

This really put a smile on my face.

http://pitpass.com/43910-Brilliant-Butt ... l-Marathon

[DavidEJM]

I love these funny ebay ads. Some people just have too much time on their hands!

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/2001-HONDA-STREAM ... 176wt_1139

[Specky]

This made me smile...


I was talking to a girl in a pub the other night and I said..... "you remind me of my little toe".

she enquired "is that because I'm small and cute?".

No I replied, it's because I'll probably end up banging you on my coffee table tonight"

TTFN

[Doug]

Dave, you are one smooth operator...

[GeoffSmith]

The Google camera car obviously did a lap of Laguna Seca!