Joke of the Day

[GaryJ]

One morning Bobby's mother was cleaning his room, and she found an S&M magazine under the bed. She was beside herself worrying and stressing trying to think of how to handle the situation.<br><br>Finally her husband came home from work and he asked her how her day was. The mother told him about the magazine. Shaking, she asked him how they were going handle this situation.<br><br>Her husband sat there for awhile, sighed, and said, "Well, I guess spanking him is out of the question."<br><br> ;D

[Peter_W]

THE POND <br><br>An old farmer in Iowa had owned a large farm for several years.  He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was originally fixed up for swimming when it was built.  One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.  As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.  As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.  When the women became aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.  <br><br>One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"  <br><br>The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."  <br><br>Moral: Age and experience will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time  

[nitroman]

Good joke, but you'll never be able to tell it in Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana, or Mississippi.  There is not a sole Alligator in the whole state of Iowa.  Go with Florida.  There are more than 7 million of them there.

[Fubar1764]

Wasn't that classic tale of nubile female conquest of the indominable swamp, "Gator Bait" set in Florida?  ;D

[John_W]

picky, picky, picky.....<br><br>Never mind Peter, it made me laugh.<br><br>John  ;D

[GaryJ]

What did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead, I'm gonna give these two a lift

[Peter_W]

[quote author=nitroman link=board=offtopic;num=1096639702;start=0#2 date=10/07/04 at 20:30:16]Go with Florida.  There are more than 7 million of them there.[/quote]<br><br>Which brings up the question - in Florida do groups of young women go skinny-dipping in unknown waters?<br>

[Peter_W]

Subject: Old Folks <br><br>A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his<br>grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing<br>only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.<br>"Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind<br>for everyone to see!" he exclaimed.<br><br> Still the old man looked off in the distance without answering.<br><br>"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on<br>below the waist?" he asked again.<br><br>The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week<br>I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your<br>grandma's idea."<br>

[nitroman]

Young women do what they will, when they want.  Ain't nobody gonna stop a fine lookin' Florida girl from takin' her clothes off!  Along these lines, I could tell you a story where I nearly went to jail, but that is best left off the record.<br><br>As for the gators, we live with 'em.  I have water-skied in both Big Gator Lake & Little Gator Lake, and took a spill right by one.  You just keep your eye on 'em and hope they don't go underwater.

[Peter_W]

Unfortunately I'm now a believer   <br><br>http://www.outdoorlife.com/outdoor/news/article/0,19912,702364,00.html

[Doug]

This is from Matt, but since he didn't post it yet I thought I would:<br><br>CHINESE SICK LEAVE<br>I NOT COME WORK TODAY!!!<br><br>Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt. I not come work."<br><br>The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."<br><br>Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house!

[nitroman]

Chris, trying to upload a couple "I took em" alligator pics but it is too slow.  I am guessing you were at or near Hilton Head Island.  Taking US17 from Georgia up to Charleston you drive right through most of South Carolina's swamps.  It felt just like Florida.

[nitroman]

Common sight.  Hope this says it all.  Taken on Julington Creek which separates Jacksonville from St. Johns county (where St. Augustine is... the new world's oldest CONTINUOUSLY settled city.  Sorry England!)  That's why they call NE Florida "the First Coast".  BTW, the Spanish slaughtered the French Huegonots in Jacksonville in 1568, (man, woman & child) or it might hold the distinction.  Took them 3 days to make the march, and they ATTACKED IN THE MIDDLE OF A HURRICANE, taking the French by surprise!  Timing, timing, timing.<br><br><br><br><br>

[Fubar1764]

Betcha those gators would make some great boots!  [smiley=thumb.gif]<br><br>Matt, that Chinese joke is completely and utterly offensive. I'm so offended I'll be sticking Al Sharpton's head in a blender in protest.<br><br>And speaking of offensive. . .What's better than placing first at the Special Olympics?<br><br><br>Not being retarded.

[nitroman]

http://firstcoastnews.com/news/topstori ... ryid=25693<br><br>Right down the ree-ver from Jacksonville!

[nitroman]

This is thanks to Elena Belaya:<br><br>A woman calls to work and says she's got anal glaucoma, and is staying home today.<br>Her Boss asks what the hell anal glaucoma is. <br>She:  "I can’t see my ass moving to the office"

[Stef]

Even I can tell that that Gaytor is either dead and stuffed or plastic  :P<br><br>OK - finally got onto the vid clip.  They did stuff the poor bstd.